Review: Jennifer Johnson is Sick of Being Married by Heather McElhatton (TLC Tour)

October 31, 2012 Blog Tour, Review 1 ★★★★

Review: Jennifer Johnson is Sick of Being Married by Heather McElhatton (TLC Tour)Release Date: October 9, 2012
Title: Jennifer Johnson is Sick of Being Married
Author: Heather McElhatton
Pages: 352
Publisher: William Morrow
Source: TLC Book Tours
Available: Barnes and Noble
From the Publisher: Sometimes tying the knot just means getting strangled.

Not too long ago, Jennifer Johnson was stuck in a cubicle, lovelorn and addicted to Cinnabon frosting. Now she's married to her Prince Charming—the handsome, wealthy son of a midwestern department-store magnate. But the grass on this too-manicured other side is not as green as she'd thought.

After a honeymoon from hell at a gated Christian resort in the Virgin Islands—bought and paid for by the in-laws and complete with alcohol-free drinks, curfews, and Satan-free yoga—Jennifer is beginning to have her doubts about the whole "happily-ever-after" thing. Soon she finds herself organizing Valentine's Day abstinence dances with her mother-in-law's church committee and dining with the ladies of the country club, who have their own theories about how to hold on to their men.

Is this really all there is to married life?

From Heather McElhatton, bestselling author of Pretty Little Mistakes and Jennifer Johnson Is Sick of Being Single, comes the next laugh-out-loud chapter in the story of an all-American everywoman whose every thought, flaw, and neurosis is on glorious display.
4 Stars

I have to admit – I wasn’t paying attention and I didn’t realize that there was a book before this one about Jennifer Johnson. But in all honesty – it didn’t matter!

This book was hilarious! I mean really – how can you pass up a book where the main character goes for anal bleaching and ends up shouting, “Starfish is burning! Starfish is burning!”

You can’t make this shit up.

Jennifer Johnson is the kind of woman who wears pantyhose with duct tape on the crotch because she tried to dry them in her toaster oven.

She makes many lists like this one:

Top Five Things Virgins Should Remember

  1. Nine out of ten penises are ugly
  2. The art of foreplay was lost with the Incas.
  3. Sex feels like being hit with a shopping cart.
  4. You might be shaved and waxed, but he’ll still be hairy. Be prepared when he takes his sweater off; it might look like he’s still wearing a sweater.
  5. You’ll never appreciate the word “deflowering” again.

There’s a talking refrigerator that curses everyone out in Japanese.

Honest to goodness – there is nothing about this book that isn’t absolutely entertaining. Even if there are many *facepalm* moments in her quest to become the perfect trophy wife.

And Jennifer Johnson is – in the end at least – my kind of woman.

Heather McElhatton’s writing is chick lit at it’s finest – perfectly paired with humor. Exactly the way I want it. I will definitely be reading more.

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